i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
