It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
