I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
cat food counts as protein by the way
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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