So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
