Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
