Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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