do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
