hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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