i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize