we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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