i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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