at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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