oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
