if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
