ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
