There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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