I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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