Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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