Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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