he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
