Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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