I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
