Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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