i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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