You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
