all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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