he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
