Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize