I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
