Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
