I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
