You can't special order awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
