Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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