i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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