last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
