She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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