I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
