Midget sex pt 2 tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
