I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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