I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
