it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
