His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize