READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
