if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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