I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
