wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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