It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
