Got a toothbrush?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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