life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am full of burrito and curiosity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
