you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
