How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize