When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
