I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
