I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
