i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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