We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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