Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
