he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize