just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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