Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
