the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
