but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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