i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
