do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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