So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
