Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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