I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
