So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
