Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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