Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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