I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
