Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
