Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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