remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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