Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize